I think one of the most important things I have learned about myself in 2013 is that I constantly worried about things. I worried about things that were going to take a lot of my time, effort and dedication that I wasn’t willing to put in, in the first place. I worried about friends and what people thought of me. I worried about pleasing others first before pleasing myself. Instead of worrying I could have been doing other productive things that would have made my life easier. 2013 was just a rough year all around. The beginning of the year it was school that I was worried about. Then the middle I worried about having a job and I dropped a lot of friends because I felt I could not trust them. Then by the end of the year I was worried about my health, having a job and what friends thought about me. In the mist of that I even almost lost myself. I was stressing my own self out.
But there were also some good outcomes in 2013. Like graduating from college, losing 30lbs, masturing my natural hair to the point where I decided to relax it. Learning how it felt to eat and be healthy. I finally got another job. I learned that if you’re not happy with something then you don’t have to do it. My journey getting closer to God. I also met some cool people too.
Near the end of the year, I began to let go of a lot of things that I use to do that I felt was unhealthy. I did at one point completely drop music too. Music has ALWAYS been important to me. When I was a kid I couldn’t go anywhere without my cd’s and cd player even as a teen I’d take my mp3 player everywhere. If anyone touched my music I would explose about it. But lately after a while it just began to feel wrong to listen to what I was listening to. I remember sitting in my chair listening to Britney spears’s song called “3” and for a while I thought that she was saying,”Living innocent is the new thing, yeah”. But on that particular day I just happen to be listening instead of jamming to it and I realized she wasn’t saying what I previously thought she was saying. She had been saying,”Living in sin is the new thing, yeah” and then after saying that she asks, “Are you in?” That blew my mind. I couldn’t believe that I had been listening to that and yet I had no clue!!!
Listening to music does not help me especially spiritually. Theres a scripture in the Bible also saying that God doesn’t approve of our musical entertainment and I even conversed a little to someone about it. The scripture is, “I hate, I despise your feasts, and I take no delight in your solemn assembiles…take away from me the noise from your songs; to the melody of your harps, I will not listen.” I actually found more on it in the pdf document online http://www.worshipmatters.com/wp-content/uploads/Does-God-Even-Like-Our-Music.pdf
Overall instead of deleting all of my music, I ended up going through my list and deleting things that I felt was just no longer for me like Beyonce, Black Eyed Peas, Ke$ha, Lmfao, Trey Songz, Justin Timberlake, the list goes on. What I do listen to now is mostly music with no words, smooth relaxing music that helps me get a peace of mind. I love Maxwell but a lot of his songs had to get the boot even some of Sade’s because she talks about giving her soul to a man. Now I just listen to instrumental or smooth music like the Twilight soundtrack instrumental version, I love music from France or island music. I love music but I don’t want to feel like I am constantly listening to poison.
Another thing I had to do was draw myself away from so called Christians on the internet. Some of these Christians will have you thinking that the Holy Bible you read, is the wrong Bible. And all of this “research” “statistics” and “science” is right versus your Bible. I just had to step over that and distant myself from those types of people because they seem confused themselves.
This year what I am going to do is throw ALL of what I struggled with in 2013, out the door. I’m straight up starting new. I don’t have anything on my plate. It’s just me. I’m not going to worry about a job, I’m not going to worry about a car and I’m not going to worry about school. I have to tackle the things that bother and concern me everyday like my weight and eating habits.
Basically what I am going to do is break my goals for 2014 into a list and categories start with what I want to achieve, what I need to achieve, how I’m going to achieve it, etc.
Goals I’d Like to Achieve This Year
- I want to get closer to Jesus and learn more about him.
- I want to work on being nicer to my family members or learning how to handle my attitude.My personality definitely needs some checking. Too often do I express my anger to my family faster than I would a stranger.
- I would love to learn how to get my body to look like a body builder purely from working out at home.
- I want to lose weight.
- I want to eat healthier without having to fight myself about it and I want to drink water only
- I want to give my hair more attention, grow my hair past my shoulders this year and maintain its healthiness.
- Save up a $100 from change that’s just been sitting in my purse.
- Keep all of my supplies and my room neat.
Why I Want To Achieve These Goals in 2014
- I want to get closer to Jesus because in the past I’ve always had a lingering feeling that I’m literally just drifting with my life. For a while I thought it was because I didn’t have that special someone in my life relationship wise. But after talking to so many people I realized there is no one that can truly give me what I am looking for. Someone that can truly relate to me, here me out, help me to progress, help me when I’m down and out. From what I’ve learned Jesus is the only one capable of feeling that void and growth.
- My personality I want to work on it and treat situations a little better. When I talk junk, I talk junk to people’s face. When I’m angry I can be angry all over you. When I explode, its a huge explosion. A lot of that I express toward my mother and sister. They view me as a grouch or a Grinch. Sometimes I can’t even control it, it just comes out. I don’t want to keep being like that. I noticed that one of my aunts is like that and she’s not okay with it yet she continues to act out. I’m 21 she’s over 45 I don’t want to grow older and be bitter. I definitely don’t want to walk around angry. I want to be the person who uplifts you not hurt you.
- I do not like gyms at all. Right now I want to get rid of this fat on me. I’ve been able to use workout dvd’s at home and shape my body in the past. Overall the goal is to learn how to work my body while I’m at home and then when I am at my ultimate goal weight from doing everything at home. I’ll hit the gym for the real thing which is next level body building.
- I want to lose weight because it is so discouraging to go into the doctors office and realize how big I really am. That statistic that everyone 4 out of 5 black women are obese REALLY got to me. I mean I began looking around whenever I went out. I don’t think I saw but a few black women that weren’t oversized and thats because they were young teens. I’m not okay with spending extra money on bigger clothes because I can’t fit the affordable smaller ones. I’m definitely not okay with doing running out of breath doing simple things or faking like I’m not of breath. I just DO NOT WANT to be apart of that statistic or label anymore. I can’t. I want better for myself.
- The thing that messed me up with eating healthy in 2013 was money and experimenting with food. This time around I know what I like to eat and I know what to get. Eating healthy could save your life and thats what I want to aim for. I’m tired of eating junk and so it my body. So fruits and veges is where I’m headed. I want to drop ALL candy, chips and any other liquid besides water completely. I only want to eat home cooked meals, no more fast food.
- I’ve already discussed and went over this in post prior to this but yes, I want to get a proper regimen for my relaxed hair going and just aim for care to healthy hair.
- Everyone has loose change somewhere. My plan is to gather all of my change and save it up to at least $100.
- I’m a messy person when my emotions are up in the air. I also have a little niece that likes to go into everything. Living in a mess is stressful so for this year. I just want to keep everything neat.
A Schedule To Achieve Those Goals in 2014
- Every night before bed I want to take the time to read a couple of pages from the Bible along with a chapter or two from my Joyce Meyer, “Start your new life” book or my “Lady in Waiting” book.
- Instead of getting angry off first hand I want to respond more calmly and level headed then I’ll progress from there.
- Every night before bed and reading my books I will exercise and maybe even pick random exercises. But I want to exercise maybe 30 minutes to an hour.
- I will lose weight by learning how to properly eat. I wont eat when I’m not hungry and I wont eat just because theres food. If I am eating I will stop when I am content and my hunger is satisfied. Not until I am full.
- I will buy only what I need for the week to eat and cook. I like to snack so I will research online some healthy snacks to eat that I am not allergic to.
- Before I start my work out and reading my Bible I will moisturize and seal my hair with the baggy method. I will also deep condition my hair every Saturday or every other Saturday. Then I will give myself a protein treatment every second Sunday once a month. Relaxers will only take place on Saturdays since I have to deep condition afterwards.
- I am going to take all the change I have right now and put it in a box or an old purse I don’t use then continue to do that for the future. If I have a $100 before the day of my birthday…I’ll know exactly what to do with it.
- This week I will give my room an excessive clean then every week maybe on Fridays I will give it a good sweeping, mop and wipe down and sort through my stuff getting rid of the things I do not need or giving them away.
I am actually very proud of this list. I will definitely update on my progress and come back to look at it frequently 😉